2003-02-03
Conscience? What is this new word???
My conscience has gotten the better part of me. Although I have very strong beliefs, this does not mean I practice what is preached (not by me, though). Socrates said that if humans really knew what 'good' was, they'd do whatever that was, and avoid things that were not 'good'. I disagree. I know what is good, and what is not, but that doesn't mean that I do what's good and avoid what's not. As a human, I'm too selfish and self-interested to worry about really being good. I'm generally more concerned with appearing to be good. This sounds bad (and it is), but it is the truth. On the other hand, I'm pretty honest (though not obnoxiously so) about who I am and the kind of person I am. For instance, if I don't feel like going to class one day and the next my professor asks if I was sick, I'm more likely to respond, "No, I just felt pretty lazy and decided to rent movies all day" than to say, "Actually, I had a fever and was sick the night before." This isn't because I'm rude or inconsiderate, but I would appreciate the truth more than a lie from someone else. At any rate (yes, I am going somewhere with this), lately I've been in dire need of some money. I need money to get a haircut (dear lord! If this goes on much longer, I fear I may be referred to as Shaggy, and I don't mean the singer),and caffeine supplements (shut your face). ANYWAY, though this is the fourth week of school, I've yet to get my books (Kim's been letting me borrow two books from classes she had last semester, but that's temporary, plus I still have two other classes that I need to read material for) and tests are coming up pretty quickly. So, last night I talked to Dad about this and when he asked how much I expected it to be, I added the books I needed the most, plus $20 (I know), figured in tax, and gave him the total. So what does he do? Instead of just writing the check, and filling everything out, he hands me a signed blank check and tells me he expects a receipt (makes sense, damned smart man). After much scheming, I figured out how I could get the books, get the twenty in cash, and it not show up on the receipt. However. . . this morning I walked in to get my books, got the used ones, and simply paid and left. Isn't that ridiculous? I could have twenty bucks in my pocket, but no, I decided to do THE RIGHT THING. Dammmit. And of course if I ask for money, he'll say he won't have any (this is true; February is especially tough on my house; there are all the bills, V-Day, my brother's and my sister's birthdays, and all sorts of other stuff). Puh. I am almost ashamed of myself. Have a nice day, I'm sure I will be kicking myself later.
aigre-douce at 8:21 a.m.