2003-08-05
swimming brain
My head is absolutely swimming for a variety of reasons:
Just finished the latest Harry Potter book. . . whoa.
Have test in Speech tomorrow.
Have final paper for freshman comp due tomorrow.
Mom goes back to work tomorrow, has been off all summer.
Dad is working tomorrow.
James is in hospital still.
Have no way to school tomorrow.
Tony goes back to school tomorrow.
Will not see Tony before he leaves. :(
Shana goes back to Troy Sunday.
Aaron is moving to Canada . . . makes my head swim with happiness.
Big toe is still hurting.
(I) Have UTI.
Suuuuuucks.
Bellyring refuses to go back in.
Will have to be repierced.
Am chubby.
Will see Ex (Elliott) next week.
Do not like not feeling good about body.
Like seeing exes when not feeling good about body even less.
Apparently think in Bridget Jones-esque type sentences when tired. And spacey.
Do not know if fall semester is a go.
Do not know when working next.
Eff Barrett and his inability to make schedules.
And inability to tell me about new employees, but ability to tell James. Since James works there and all.
Ass.
Cannot sleep. Obviously.
Everytime I fall asleep, I have nightmares.
Cannot find James's baby picture that he gave me. That makes me feel better and fall asleep, sometimes.
Gahh, enough of that. I am exhausted. And sick. And James is in the hospital.........!!! Which I hate.
I went to see him tonight ($10 paid to his brother), which did us both a lot of good. He looks a lot better than he did last time he was in the hospital. That's for damn sure. Meaning he should be out sooner, right? He doesn't have a fever!! I hope he gets to go home soon. Especially since my siblings will be back at school and mother back at work, ah ha.
I talked to Elliott for a few hours this evening. It was really nice. He suggested we run away together, again. Which made me happy. He wasn't sexually suggestive at all , and it made me feel good to know he likes me enough as a person to want to have me around still, even though he knows James and I are serious. For starters, it makes me relaxed about the whole thing. I've been worrying like hell about how it might hurt him and how he would react, but he's not bitter or anything. I'm glad. And I don't think it's that he doesn't care, either. It's a good sort of thing. And we have plans to hang out asap. Which makes me happy. And nope, I will not leave James for Elliott (or anyone else, ever) unless he gives me damn good reason to. And then I won't leave him for anyone, I'll just leave him. But somehow, I don't forsee that happening. Thankfully. I do love my James.
Ahh, sleep? Is that you, buddy?
//Edit//
Suh-weet!!! Finally, my older entries link works. It hasn't worked on ANY of my templates since I started changing them this past spring. Finally it dawned on me that if I change it back to a regular Dland one, then back to what I wanted, that the Dland thing would fix it. . . . And it did!!! Whoohah, I'm so happy. So.... if there's anything you ever wanted to know, you can now go back and read what happened!!! Okay, I'm excited. Just to check records, I mean. Gawd, I'm ridiculously dorky. Good lawda mercy, I'm such a nerd when I have too much time on my hands!! I do hope James is fully enjoying all his alone time right now . . . haha. No, that was just teasing.
Wanna hear an interesting story?? The other night I bumped into Adam McDonough (1. A senior that made my knees knock together b/c I had such a crush on him when I was a sophomore; he was soo charming and he knew I liked him, so he would purposely flirty with me. 2. Aaron Tew - boy I was involved with about a month ago that told me he might be gay- 's best friend). First of all, it was cool because Adam was sooo enthusiastic about 'getting' to see me. Adam goes, "Hey, how've ya been?? I mean, I've only really seen you, what, two times in my entire life, but I feel like I know you soo well through Aaron. How are you?? I've missed you! It's soo glad to see you!! (hug, hug)" This was, after all, THE hottest guy in school when I was in tenth grade, and I would get so nervous around him I wouldn't even be able to breathe right. It was ridiculous. And this guy was genuinely excited to see me?? Whoa. Awesome. I've grown up. Sweeeeet. At any rate, we sat outside and had a cigarette together, and talked about Aaron. First of all, Adam apparently sympathized with me more than he did with Aaron (and this is of his own accord, I did not begin by badmouthing the guy) . . . He told me about some things that I, having been involved with Aaron, even friendwise, would want to know. One of them being "Well, you know he's moving to Canada. He's moving in with Peter. Who happens to be gay, if you weren't aware. So he's not out of the closet yet, but he's leaving here to move in with Peter (not platonically) in two weeks." Wow. I'm happy for him. First of all, it makes me feel better about the whole situation, oddly enough. I have no qualms whatsoever with homosexuality, it just makes it really uncomfortable for me if someone I'm involved with starts wondering about that while they're with me. Makes me question myself, etc, etc. And I work hard to be a good girlfriend, friend with benefits, whatever I happen to be to whomever I am. Etc. So the fact that he has acted on that (he had had boy experiences long before me, btw) and is, in fact, no longer straight somehow makes me feel better now? I don't know. At this point, I'm just glad it wasn't that I wasn't good enough as a female. Meaning, that there was another female he preferred. Make sense? The fact that he's into males . . . Well, I'm definitely not male. I'm still not certain what my feelings are about the whole situation that transpired between Aaron and me, but that's what I'm going with for now. I'm female enough for him to find a real male to get on with. Ummm....so yeah.
Something else: Apparently today was Stranger Courtesy Day. When I banged up my toe, a complete stranger came up to me and offered me a BandAid. I helped several strangers myself, actually. While I was in a very crowded WalMart at seven this evening,the people in front of me insisted I went ahead since I only had a bottle of cranberry juice. This morning my mom had a blowout. She parked right where she was (so she wouldn't mess up the rims) and put on her hazards, pulled out her cell to call Dad, and she hadn't been parked for a minute when some tire service truck pulled alongside of her and serviced the van with refusal of payment. It was really neat. I don't know how all those things worked out, but they did. I just think humanity's pretty neat sometimes.
Due to the fact that this is a diary and I have had really horrible nightmares lately (of foreign soldiers gassing me, of Aaron being best friends with Elliott and killing me, etc, etc), I suddenly feel that last comment was a bit eerie and uneccessary. A little too Anne Frank for me. Which brings me to another interesting story -
A few weeks ago, it was just James and me in the house, and we started making out . . .We seized the full opportunity, of course; empty house and us . . . right as things were, ahem, coming to a close, my parents phone rang. It rang and rang throughout the empty house, and it was raining outside, and it just seemed really ominous. Whomever called ('Unknown Name, Unknown Number') hung up instead of leaving a message. For some reason it wierded me out, and I jumped up, and we both cleaned up and dressed. I used the bathroom . . . and when I got out my parents (whom I thought were 15 minutes away) were home. It was really weird, like someone had called to warn us or something. We didn't get caught, but my dad did get suspicous as to why we were in the house with no lights on while it was storming outside. I say damn his intelligence. At any rate, he asked if we were sleeping together (actually his exact words were "Are you screwing him?!" for which I will probably always dislike him somewhat for; how unclassy!!!), and I told him that it wasn't any of his business, but yes, we were. But we were careful and smart. Blah blah blah. I just thought the Anne Frank part was interesting.
Ugh. Back aching. Going back to bed. And hopefully, finally, to sleep.
aigre-douce at 12:24 a.m.