2003-11-04
pissed pt. 2
I'm not so much angry, as I am just really hurt. James blew off our plans yesterday, because he was so tired. I was upset, but let it slide. I just got more stuff done around the house to keep my mind off of current situations. I stayed up till 4 this morning, cleaning my room, getting rid of clothes and shoes i don't wear, books I'll never read, etc, etc. I slept.....woke up at 12. James said he'd come over today (to make up for yesterday), and for me to call him when I woke up. So I called.....and he wanted to sleep some more. I got up, got ready, and called him again, an hour + later. I was like, "Are you coming over today, or not?" Apparently he has chosen to sleep all day, beause 'his body's tired'. Yeah, my body's tired too, from all that cleaning (and cooking!) I've done. But people I love (not to mention people I've made promises to) are more important to me than sleeping/resting. I guess I'm just weird that way. So here I am, day two, alone and my feelings are hurt. I don't think I'm asking that much. I mean, hell, he's going across the country this weekend, and I won't see him for a week. That's a trip I was supposed to go on, but I've tried not to get too bummed out over it. I just want to hang out with James before he goes, especially since I haven't seen him much in the past month, due to his truck being broken down and other undesirable happenings. I mean, honestly, is that so much to ask? If I had a car, I would go see him on the days that he didn't feel like driving, etc. It just seems like a bunch of cop-outs to me, but maybe that's because I can't see it from his view, I guess.
The worst part (the bad being that I want to see James, the worse being that I'm stuck at the house AGAIN with my parents whom I loathe -though Mom is being a lot better) is that I've had to do a lot of sticking up for our relationship(to my parents) in the last few days, and that's not fun at all. And it's like, I do all of that for nothing, because if he'd rather sleep than make up for yesterday.......it doesn't seem to say a lot for the way he feels about me, now does it? Not only that, but I had to tell Mom what happened yesterday (him not getting any sleep, and going home instead of us going and doing 'errands'), b/c she was so surprised to see me home (since I told her I wasn't going to be able to do a lot of cleaning yesterday b/c I had to go run errands). I told her we were doing them today, instead. When she gets home today, and I have to tell her what happened again . . . That's not going to be fun. I'm going to look and be made to feel bad. Really bad. And it's only going to enforce their opinion of my relationship with James. "Well sure, kidney diseases make you fatigued....this is what the rest of your life is going to be like."
I'm frustrated, bored, hurt, and sad. Basically, I just feel like crying.
aigre-douce at 2:20 p.m.