2003-12-20
'Blue in the Face' -Alkaline Trio
I don't know how to say this, other than this: James and I are not broken up, but are taking a break. Despite what was said last night, he doesn't want a relationship, wants to be single. Other things were said, and I'm not angry at him. Instead, I am still absolutely in love with him. And am brokenhearted. He really has been my only reason for living these past six months. I was having an extremely rough time when I met James, and he turned out to be knight in shining armor, the hero that always saved my day. And now. . . I don't know. He said he still loves me, I just deserve better than him. I think I should get to choose what kind of life I should lead, and who I get to spend it with, but. So anyway. My eyes are swollen and like to cry a lot. I never realized how much I thought of James. I see a punk in a movie; James. Oh look, there's James stuff all over my room, pictures of us, and things I bought when I was thinking of him! I feel dead. Worse than dead, actually. And my sinuses huuuuuuurt. I laid down to sleep and escape from reality, and you'd think I would be able to, but my sinuses are making that impossible. Hopefully Mom will come home with some nighttime sinus stuff. I only hope. Goddamn Christmas is in a few days. It's always the holidays with me. Hopefully things between us will get better. . . or I will die in my sleep. Whichever. Happy holidays.
aigre-douce at 6:47 p.m.