2003-12-24
Merry Christmas '03
My buddy list tab insists on staying pink, despite the fact that no one has updated since I last read. Huh.
Today was great, overall. I was finally able to ship off Misty's gift, I wrapped all the other gifts, and helped Mom get all the Christmas together. I was really depressed (surprise, surprise), so Mom insisted I run an errand with her. It was all very mysterious, and Dad went to. Guess what . . . WE GOT TWO KITTENS!!! I've never had a pet, and I looooove cats, so I am especially excited. What's even better is that they were only planning on getting one cat, but when we saw the other one, we had to get them both. They are 12 weeks old tomorrow, and a gorgeous brother and sister pair. We named them Nicholas and Alexandra. I'm much happier now that I have kittens. We exchanged gifts this evening, and I got much more than I was expecting. I got a bunch of clothes the day after Thanksgiving for early Christmas presents, so I wasn't expecting much. But I got some of the coolest things ever, to include a Hello Kitty ring. The only ring I'll be getting this year. Sigh. And I got a bunch of money, too. Shana came over and we exchanged presents. I had bought her The Bombshell Manual of Style, which reminds me of her every time I see it, and was tickled pink when my parents got me the same book. Relationship problems aside, it was a great Christmas.
James was supposed to come over tonight, but his rearview window fell off again, so he couldn't make it. So Josh picked him up and now they're partying in Dothan. Nichol called me earlier and she and I planned to hang out this evening, but she was supposed to call me back when she got home from Mike's, and hasn't yet. It's 10:25. Oh well, I'm sleepy and have kittens. I really want to go to bed, but feel like I should go out instead. I really wish things weren't like this with James and me right now; it definitely saps my holiday spirit. I really love him, and am trying to be patient and hope everything gets better. But I wonder if they will, and part of me doubts they will. I'm so afraid of being hurt again. But not only that, I really don't want to lose James.
I wish someone would give me a car and lots of money so I could leave this place on my own. And that way, I could do my thing and James could do his, and there would be no further pressures on our relationship. I want to be with him, but I don't think he feels the same way. I realize there's nothing I can really do about it, but I wish it weren't so hard. There's no way to save myself from this one. Maybe things will start looking up. Hopefully. But if they don't, it won't be as much of a shock now. Yes, I'll still be miserable, but I'll be more prepared for it. Unfortunately, I have neither car nor money to run away with, or to fix things with. Perhaps I should be asking for a bottle of antidepressants instead? I don't know. I don't want to give up hope, though. I do love him.
aigre-douce at 10:16 p.m.