2004-01-13

"If you let something go, and it's meant to be, it will come back." Version 2.0

James said that to me (teasingly) as he was leaving last night, and I know it's from a movie, but cannot remember which one. If you know, do let me know. Please?

This afternoon on the phone, James joked that I didn't love him. I was like, "Listen, mister. If I didn't love you, I sure as hell wouldn't still be around. Instead, I would go find someone who would spend more time with me and not so much on video games. Someone like Josh, who attaches himself to the hip of every girl he dates. You want to talk about who doesn't love who? I could say that you don't love me, because you don't spend a whole lot of time with me. You don't even check your email when I've told you I've emailed you, and you don't even email me when you've promised me you would. So I could say that you don't love me. But I know you do, so shut up." He was like, "You want flowers? I gave you money, go buy flowers with it, haha." I explained to him that it's not the same thing, and we messed with each other some more. He got off the phone, and I thought he would then check his email, write me back, or something. Nnnnnnnope. I just checked. I'm not sad, angry, or anything, I just thought I would write about it. I'm not venting, either. I just wanted to throw it out there. Ladidadida.

Speaking of flowers, the rose I installed on my desktop is dying. Yuck. At least it doesn't come with that yucky sour water smell.

Today I got my Manic Panic catalogue in the mail. Who knew there were so many weird colors you could dye your hair? Despite that James likes my red hair, I am still going to dye it a funky color, probaby on the underneath layer. For one thing, it will wash out relatively soon. For another, I don't see him that often for him to be able to complain about it, so there. Flamingo Pink, anyone? I just can't decide if I want to do the tips, or the bottom layer. Or strips in my bottom layer. Hmmmmm.

I was hoping Desiree would be online so we could chat, but I guess not. Both times I've been online today for the express purpose of chatting her up, she hasn't been around. Ho hum..... I suppose I'll break down and clean my room after all. To put the trundle away or not? Right now, my bed is a queen size, because it's a daybed, and you can pull the trundle up to it. Usually it's a suffocating single. The only problem is I have a small room, and while the large bed is more luxorious, I can't move around much in my room now. But if I put it up, I also have to move the alcohol (well, actually, I guess I could just scoot it back), and I won't be able to spread out in my bed. And I do like how I can sleep facing my t.v. with the bed like it is now. But the room is so tiny...Meh. No clue. I have poor decision making skills, in that if I think about it long, I'll never make up my mind. Brrrr it's chilly.

I hate cleaning my room.

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EDIT!

How many times can Lauren update today? At least three, apparently. I've been having some really weird dreams lately. Mostly about Dothan drama that I have NOTHING to do with, nor do I care about. That, and spend-the-night dreams of James and I. Weird stuff. Oh, and one involving a Polaroid. This is a very random and assorted edit/update, by the way. Be ye forewarned. After the above entry, I cleaned my room for a while, changed my light bulbs, and listened to a little Eminem. Tori Amos covered "'97 Bonnie and Clyde" by Em, so I had to listen to the original. Yeah, hers is better and creepier. Oh well. I still like some of his songs on the Vicadin album, mostly tracks 2-5. Not that I'm a big Eminem fan, do not misunderstand. Listening to him makes me even more obnoxious, which is never good. I felt kinda sleepy, so I took a nap, which didn't last very long at all. Just let me lay down, and everyone in the house will want to come talk to me, I swear. Upon waking up, I became slightly neurotic, and started thinking (too much) about changes in my relationship with James, from the beginning. Mostly I wondered if I had just been a big challenge, something to conquer/win over (like I proved to be with Aaron). I even rationalized this, thinking that yes, that was what had made him try so hard in the beginning, and now he's gotten used to me, so we're still together. It's an awful thought, I know. And I actually even called him to ask about it. He was hanging out with Josh, so I chickened out and told him I'd just discuss it with him later. Not too much later, he called me back to ask what was up. And once I presented the question, he did not become offended nor get defensive, but was like, "Baby! I love you! You have nothing to worry about, silly girl. No!" He was really sweet and comforting, and even made me kiss at him and babied me somewhat (which I'll admit, I do need sometimes) before going back inside Josh's. I guess I just have problems. He was so incredibly sweet about it, it makes me not doubt him at all. There was absolutely no hesitation, and no getting offended that I asked, nor compared him to the other mangy scoundrel. I love James, I truly do.

After that conversation, I returned to playing I-Ninja, with a venegance. That game kicks my ass, no bones about it. I was going through the mission James was doing last night when I was online with Desiree, and was almost finished when some stupid Ranx stabbed me in the back. That has got to be the cutest and most annoying video game, I swear. I jumped online (and JUST missed Desiree, apparently)and Mom had sent me some interesting information about makeup artists: Just scroll down and read it, will you?.

Nick and I chatted....apparently he and Audrey are "taking a big break". Wow. He is now in the same position I was in about two weeks ago. Only he has a column in the Crimson and White, and I don't. Lucky bastard. Minus that 'big break' part, I mean. He's not even interested in journalism! Puh. It's a left-wing political (b/c what else is left-wing?) commentary type thing, and he's hoping to make people hate him. Knowing Nick, I'm sure he'll accomplish said goal. He asked me if I'd talked to Elliott in a while, to which I said no. I had a dream last night that I was walking through (the Tuscaloosa?) mall, arm-in-arm with a guy I went to middle school with that happens to be gay, and was the author of a phenomenal book in my dream, and I saw Elliott over my shoulder, so I yelled out his name to say hey. In the dream, Elliott looked over his shoulder, saw me, and kept walking. It was weird. I'd say sad, but I would be lying. Like Nick said (of Elliott), "I have no time for self-righteous bastards." Why I didn't do something physical to him in my dream, like knock his knees out, is beyond me.

Lately I've been having lucid (?) dreams, like I can decide to do anything in my dream. Last night, for instance, I had a dream that my father and I were in some department store. He started bitching about something, and I was really tired of hearing it, so I started knocking over stands, throwing things down, slamming around, etc. I've become VERY violent in my dreams lately, and it's kind of odd. I mean, it's nice, because I wake up all happy and relaxed, but it's still weird. In my dreams, however, I make these decisions to do these things. It's like I'm in the dream, instead of just watching it like a movie. It's nice, actually. It just makes me wonder what has made me able to do this so much more often than usual, to have these choose-your-own-adventure dreams. They're lovely. It's just a good thing I don't get held accountable for things I do in my dreams, because there have been a lot of murders in them. At any rate.

I was checking my LJ friends list, and there's this random girl who added me a while back, so I added her as well. Apparently there's some LJ drama going on with her. It's very interesting. It's so funny though, I might as well 'drama' to my Interests, really.

Obviously, this thing is totally incorrect. Oh, bah.

aigre-douce at 6:44 p.m.

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