2004-03-27
"I had a bad day again..."
So yesterday made the second time I failed my driving test. It was a pretty crappy day, despite that James was with me all day. It started off with me checking an email from a very good friend of mine. She meant well, and was trying to encourage me and make me feel better about things that have been going on lately, but said that she thinks that "everyone's problem is that they're straying from God." Even though she meant well, it was like she was slapping me in the face. I've come to the point where I just about hate Christianity, because people are so eager to use God as an excuse and reason for things, when really, I don't think God has so much to do with things. People control their own behavior. They make their own decisions. God does not do this for them, and because they're straying from God does not mean that they have to make bad decisions. It's like saying my mother is a bitch because she's straying from God, and I just don't think that's true. Now, whether she actually is or is not straying isn't the point here. The fact of the matter is that my mom makes her own decisions on how to treat people, how to act, etc, and I don't think God (or the lack thereof) can be blamed for her being a bitch. I mean, I know people who want nothing at all to do with religion, and they're some of the nicest people I know. They provide for their children, they don't try to judge, and (my personal favorite) they're not self-righteous. Nor do I think that my life is screwing up because I'm no longer a Christian. It's always been a mess, I'm just looking at it from a more realistic angle now. For that matter, if you asked my mom (or church people near her) if she was straying from God, the answer would be no. She uses God and her religion for an excuse to be the way she is. To be a bitch to me, because I don't agree with her beliefs, and I do "ungodly" things, like having sex with James, and cursing (which she does herself). She is extremely judgmental and sometimes down right mean to people if they do things that are ungodly, instead of trying to be tolerant and/or witness to them. I have several relatives who think my mother is a snob (as well as other things) because she won't even take the time of day to acknowledge their existance because (she thinks) they do things that she doesn't agree with. The best/worst part is that really, my mom doesn't take time to get to know these people, and so she doesn't really know what these people believe or anything, she just assumes. A lot of people in my family have changed, but my mother wouldn't know, because she hasn't taken the time to notice. She just judges as she sees fit. She's the most selfish person I know, but hey, isn't she a great Christian! And obviously, since she's so perfect, she's the best person I know to judge anyone else. She will spend $30 on herself before she would spend that same $30 to pay for the co-pay to take me to the dermatologist. But hey whatever, I'm only her child. It's cool. I won't go any further, I think you get the point.
James was in a weird mood yesterday. He's been aching to get into a fight (physical, and not with me), and so to play with me, he's been a big fan of pinching me and the like lately. I don't usually mind, but yesterday it just felt like he was picking on me and being mean. That's right, at times I regress to an elementary school girl. I guess he was stressed yesterday too, because he reprimanded me not so nicely every time I made a (driving) mistake. Just one of those days, I suppose. Ah, and for the record, during my driving test, I got the smooth, safe stop right this time, as I did reversing, also, but messed up my three point turn, and someone honked at me a lot as I was going through an intersection. Yesterday was really not such a great day.
James took me to Ruby Tuesday after the failed test to make me feel better (plus we were hungry). He promised me that he would take me every day next week (in Ozark on Monday, Tuesday and Friday in New Brockton, etc) until I passed my driving test. He's so sweet. Even when he's testy, he's still a good guy. We had chocolate milkshakes and shared the Super Sampler appetizer. I actually had checks to cash at the bank, which made me feel a little bit better.
Allison had asked that we be at the first site for the picture taking early, so we showed up at the Rawls at 3:30. She and David did not show up until 4:00. Usually, something that would not have been that bad, but it was something that was almost unbearable after everything else. I've decided that being a model takes a lot of patience and creativity. James did most of the attention-getting, which I enjoyed watching. I've never had a boyfriend who's so confident of themself. It's refreshing, even if it does make me feel a little shyer. I wore a skirt to appear more feminine in the pictures (since they were "couple" pictures), but I think that was a mistake. You'd be amazed how many things you can't do in a skirt. If we take more pictures, I'm wearing jeans. My outfit was really cute, but next time, jeans it is. Hopefully the pictures turn out well.
Allison and I had agreed that we all (me, James, Allison, David) would go to eat and go see a movie, preferably Ladykillers (?) after the photo shoot. However, after the shoot, Allison and David decided not to after all, so James and I went by ourselves. Big Daddy's was good as always, but my parents were driving out as we were driving in, and it put a damper on my mood. Also, I don't drive super well at night, and because I was afraid of hitting another car as I was turning, I didn't turn far enough, and ended up driving up onto a curb. Way to go, Lauren. This made James mad/frustrated with me, and we didn't talk much during dinner. Afterwards, we searched for Ladykillers or Jersey Girl, but couldn't find either at the three surrounding theaters, so we hit up Movie Gallery instead.
After about a half hour of searching, James handed me The Guru and I grabbed my choices for the rest of the weekend. Looking at the title and the fact that Heather Graham was in it, I did not have high expectations of the movie. However, I was very pleasantly surprised. That movie was awesome. It has a nice soundtrack, too. It made me feel a little better after a horrible day.
I don't really know how to word what else I want to say, so I guess I'll add it later.
aigre-douce at 12:53 p.m.