2003-02-18
Missing: Jeans
Hating my life? Most definitely. Today was horrible. I forgot I had my essay preview for English due. I forgot that I had rehearsal for the homecoming Thursday night thing. . . My escort remembered, though, and showed up, damndamndamn. I felt so bad. I called him,and he understood. Found out I'm not supposed to wear what I had planned. . . . STILL CANNOT FIND JEANS. Called E - he can't find them. Called his mom - definitely not in her car. Even talked to Steve, E's roomate- he hasn't seen them, but hasn't looked, either (not that I expect him to, I'm just almost certain they're there). Searched throughout my house NUMEROUS times. Even offered money to anyone in my house that could find them. . . . . nothing. I'm going crazy. I really don't know where they are, I have no money, they are what I wear every day and I don't have any others that fit well at all. They ALL hang off me and are not cute in the first place. It's too damn cold to wear skirts or anything else. I NEED MY JEANS. And I can't find them. I'm going to cry. Again. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but it definitely is. They are essential to my daily life and I can't find them. My world is out of whack without them. I wear them every day; they are my security blanket and ALWAYS look good on. I wish someone would kill me. Or that I could somehow rewind time and be back in E's dorm room and remember what the fuck I did with them. Monday was such a haze, it's no wonder I can't remember. Here's what I do remember (jeans-wise):
Sunday night: Raf, Steve, and Taylor were downstairs playing pool. E and I in the room. I changed into my drawstring pants and tux tee. Raf almost walked in on me changing, but did not. Placed jeans near bag.
Monday morning: I woke up, got dressed, packed my clothes. Jeans included. Vividly remember rolling them up, making sure the seams met perfectly, then I'm pretty sure I placed them in my Time travel bag (no pun intended) or my bookbag. I wonder if I took them out for some reason (to get something else out) and forgot to put them back in, in which case they are probably under the edge of E's futon, near the sink on the floor. (The jeans are on the floor, not the sink)
Monday afternoon: Came home, placed bags near door and computer. At some point, rummaged through bags for cigarettes. Found cigarettes, on phone w/Seth, smoked in backyard near fence. Came inside, and at some point dumped everything on bed.
Monday night: Looked for jeans, discovered them missing. You know the rest.
Yes, I've looked all around my room, behind bed, etc, etc. Even looked in family member's closets and drawers, to see if somehow they got there by mistake. Not in laundry. Not in own closet. Definitely going crazy. Wish I could go to Tloosa to look for myself. Beginning to REALLY wonder what's going on.
On uphand, E may be coming to ESJC next year and will be living here. This is both good and bad. Bad for him, and bad b/c that means a lot less roadtrips and secrets. Good b/c I'll see him and won't lose things on roadtrips. Will hate my life a lot less, unless something else happens somehow.
Found out I can mos def get a scholarship for paper. And am in love w/Simon in friend way. Noting I talk like Bridget Jones when really stressed. Simple thoughts. Smoking's no good w/out E, for some reason. He needs to come home, pronto. Also found out about scholarship- will have to be @ juco next year to get it; E better come here!!!
Can't concentrate on all the homework I need to do AT ALL. Hate my sister b/c she promised me she would do something, so I got her a huuuge present, and then refuses to do it, and it desperately needs doing. Am temporarily taking back gifts. Hate her. Hate whole family for never cleaning the house and leaving it to me, b/c they know I can't stand it. Kim sees this pigstye every day. Hate myself, hate my family, hate however the heck (quit cursing) my jeans found way to leave me. Hate whoever knows where my jeans are and won't tell me. Jeeeeezus. Hate rambling. Bye.
aigre-douce at 9:04 p.m.