2003-05-21
the script did call for rain
Talked on the phone all night last night to Cassanova. Lawdy. I haven't smiled that much in a lonnnnng time. Nor have I been that nervous/giddy about anything in a while. A long while. Before-Easter long. Yeah.
Have decided to cut off Elliott. He no longer genuinely cares for me, I believe. I don't think he'd make an effort at all if I quit. I think he only keeps in touch with me so he can have a girlfriend person and get some makeout. That's not working for me anymore, sorry.
I'm glad I realized all this. My self-worth is improving. And I did this all by myself, without anyone else's influence. Aren't you proud.
On the other hand----I see E Friday (I still want him to care, silly) and I have not gotten very tan, courtesy of the clouds that are blotting the sun out on my off days. Not only that, but I seemed to have gained, rather than lost weight. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that my period started (perfect excuse why I can't have sex this weekend) today. I hope so. I'd hate to think that I'm getting fat for no reason! I need a haircut, too. It is currently shaggy and wild. I straightened my hair out today, and that was quite cute, interestingly enough.
I felt/looked super fat in all the clothes I wanted to wear today, plus my skin has been breaking out badly thanks to this stuff I'm using for my skin (wha?!), but I was saved by my Coppinville Jr. High School Band tee like Ben's. Ben is a nice style icon for males his age, I think. And I do not care what anyone else thinks. Anyway, I wore that shirt today, and not only was it quite flattering,but it was also cute and I got a zillion comments on it, which is always good. That=big smile on my face.
I worked at the coffeeshop this morning (a first on a weekday), and it was wonderful. It makes me want to reschedule all my classes to come in in the mornings and not work evenings anymore. Weekday mornings and weekend evenings are where it's at. Stacey came in today, and I was quite happy to see her. A health inspector came, too, but she was quite friendly and all went well. Right as she left, a man came in and ordered two frozen cappuccinos with whip cream. I fixed those for him.....and he left us an $11 tip. I thought that was amazing. So Josie and I each got $5, and put $1 in the cup. Hahaha. So good, so good.
I walked over to the pizzeria for lunch, and ran into my mom's friend, her daughter whom I hate, and her granddaughter whom I adore. Sierra (the little girl) never ever comes to me when I put out my arms, but today she saw me and she almost jumped out of her grandmother's arms for me, without me reaching out to her. It was sooo cute. Filled my heart with joy. She smelled nice, too. I love little girls. And just kids in general. Not that I would ever want any.
Surprisingly enough, staying up all night talking takes its toll the next day, leaving one exhausted. So it's naptime.
And tomorrow I get to open all by myself at 6:20, bright and early. Woooot. I love working weekday mornings!
Ooh ooh, I saw Madame Ford in WalMart yesterday, and ran up and talked to her. I loooooooove M. Ford. I had her for French for 3 years, she is my favorite teacher ever. Despite the number of times she threw the eraser and 'Baton Pierre' at me.....
And yes, I do still love Elliott, I just realized it's not realistic. He just lets me believe whatever I want to, like a vehicle for my fantasy relationship. Well that's great...but it's not real, and I don't want someone to fake it. I think Elliott is like those fantasy simulators like on Minority Report. It's great.....but it's not real. Sad sad sad. I'm going to miss my fairytale. I mean, if he changes and does make a HUGE effort....but I do not forsee that happening. My guess is that this (me and him) will go no further, and that he will not even go to UA in the spring. He's a mama's boy, what can I say. It makes me sad to say that, but I think it's true, unfortunately.
Okay, killer cramps. Naptime.
XOXOXOXO
Love,
Lauren
Oh! And today the coolest people came in the shop. One was a rad-looking guy (obviously out-of-towner) that had star tattoos by his eyes. Ohhh, how I covet them. If I wasn't a girl and didn't have to wear makeup, I'd get them. I swear. They're so amazing. As it is, I've decided that this time next year I will definitely have a tiny star tattoo at the base of my right middle finger. Cute. I'm excited. I'm not going to say anything to anyone about it, I'm just going to get it done on my way out of town to Tuscaloosa when I leave for spring semester. It's gonna be rad. This super hip middle-to-elderly-aged woman came in today. She had a flattop. I was so impressed. Reminded me of the fabulouso Weetzie Bat. Beyond cool. And she was uber spunky. Today was just a good day.
As soon as I layed/laid down to take a nap and slipped my eye mask on, the doorbell rang. It was Shanabobana, whom I had not realized I missed so. We talked for a long time, and it was so good to talk to her. She gave me some good (for lack of a better word; comforting, reassuring and encouraging could also fit, though) insight on a situation that's been on my mind for a while. It was really good to hear that. Helps me know I'm not going insane. I love that girl, it's good to have her back.
Have a wonderful Thursday, I'm sure I will. Especially since I get to open at 6:15 in the morning!
aigre-douce at 12:29 p.m.