2003-06-25
Mechanical Love
Today I noticed a return to the Lauren that cares about other people and goes out of her way for them. Hmm hmm. I missed that girl, but she gets hurt a lot, so perhaps it's best to put her away again. I suppose I'll let her stay and keep myself emotionally unprotected for the moment. Look out, my guard's down.
And maybe it shouldn't be. Especially when a certain boy make pointed remarks while stabbing me with his eyes. I feel the need to protect him though, to comfort and take care of him. Though really I can't. And it's funny, because last night he came to the conclusion that I'm crazy, show borderline personality traits, thinks a psychoanalyst might be good for me, yet still likes me and has confessed feeling the need to comfort and watch out for me. How odd. However, he loses points in that he does not pluck my eyebrows, haha. Inside joke.
As assinine/"honest" as he is sometimes, though, I still feel the need to help him out. I feel like the couple in Blue Lagoon, almost. Dude, they were hateful. But not only are we not a couple, "we're not together". It's one thing that neither of us want a relationship. It's another that he has been showing symptoms of jealousy as of late. What do you want, boy?
Onto other subjects; James and I are dating again. He wanted to date again, acknowledging that I do not want to have to answer to anyone, don't want a boyfriend, or a relationship/commitment. He knows that I'm also .... seeing or whatever..... Aaron, and although is not a big fan of the idea, wants me to be happy so therfore understands/doesn't mind. I like him. A lot.
As for school, I H A T E biology. Granted, I'm going to have to take it again if I drop it now, but in the meantime, my gpa will be saved and I'll have more patience with the subject later. So there. Of course, I won't have Stacey and Kim in my class, but oh well. My summer and gpa's more important.
I love art, have procrastinated in freshman comp 2 (rough draft of the restoration of the Sistine Chapel frescoes paper due tomorrow),and speech, my class with Aaron, is a gimme. Eh. I don't know.
I do feel somewhat accomplished today. Today I was submissive, I was supportive, and I was comforting. And although the ideas are related, those last two sentences had absolutely nothing to do with each other. Sigh. One day I'll learn how to write and quit this word-association game. Moving on. I finally cleaned out all my email, researched for my (insert choice expletive here)paper, returned calls, tried calling Aaron to see how his mom was and if he was okay, argued with Nick, chatted with Blair, and found job information for Shana. Also wriggled (just barely) out of going to church. And discovered what's so special about my skull ring. Yeahhh. I think I just about aced my art appreciation test (for which I studied pretty hardcore for), and my project proposal was approved, so now I just have to buy the cameras for the regular part of it. I also cleared out some of my messages, safety-pinned/fixed my Blues Brothers tees, took great notes in biology, and got my schedule in order. If only my room was clean and I had gotten in touch with Aaron, I would be somewhat more good to go. Hmm hmm hmm.
I need to start on that paper. Meaning I will call James instead. Bon soir.
aigre-douce at 9:53 p.m.