2003-07-13
And that's it.
For the last few days, I have had ridiculous cravings for macaroni and cheese (like you get at fried chicken joints, NOT the baked casserole kind!)and authentic cherry vanilla Cokes. Which one on Xenadrine EFX would not expect. Which reminds me I need to take that today.
So lately my life has been good. Exhausting, but wonderful. James 24/7. We went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean Friday night and it was soooo good. Why on God's earth had someone not thought of Johnny Depp as a pirate before now?? Blows my mind. He's ridiculously cute. Have decided James has eyes like his, especially in that movie. He has this natural eyeliner look going on already and really nice lashes. Stupid boys, always looking cuter than us gulls without the effort.
Am now listening to my family watching the Roger Rabbit: Behind the Scenes disc. I want a vanilla Coke soo badly, like from Sonic. Or Waffle House.
Today I was supposed to finish the Aaron 'shoot' (bagaaahhh, it is torture. I have no idea how we got along as long as we did; we can hardly stand each other now), but he is currently in Auburn, cleaning out his apartment. Ass; he knew I needed to get this finished today for tomorrow. Ugh, I'm so tired of extremely selfish people. Speaking of which, Josh's current away message is "sleeping. piss off." What a guy. Only not.
Friday night when I got home, I had a message on my machine from Elliott. A happy, excited Elliott who was telling me he would be in Montgomery (which is like an hour away) on Tuesday/Wednesday, and hopefully we could meet up. I tried, but I work Tuesday night, and even if I could somehow get there after work, even if I skipped class the next day (which I don't need), he'd be in court then, testifying against his father (emotional abuse; I wish I could testify, too, for all the stuff I witnessed/had to go through via that asshole). And they're driving back Wednesday night (when I'm off), so really, there's nothing I can do. Unfortunately. In a way I am glad, because James was really worried, I think, that I'd fall back in love with Elliott or something, upon seeing him. I know better; I don't have feelings for him now, I have feelings for the memories of him (before I found out about Allison and realized everything had been a lie). But I'm glad, because now James can rest assured. Seriously, I've been doing (some more) thinking, and I know I won't ever hook up with Elliott (unless some M A J O R changes take place, which I don't expect or want at this point, thanks) again. Because of all the times he lied to me. It wasn't just "No, I didn't cheat on you", it was everytime the subject of one of us being untrue came up, and he lied. It was the way that he put on this big front (or something happened that I'll never understand) about disliking Allison, hating her, even. I think he said the things he did about her and acted the way he did because that's how I felt and he knew it'd make me satisfied. But really, it didn't. I hate people who fake, either way. I'd rather someone who hates me to be mean as hell to my face than put on a front. And vice versa. I mean, if someone likes someone I don't, they don't have to act like they hate them. I'd much rather they just be honest. Putting on an act (because that's what that is) just paints a different picture of you. So really, I was never in love with Elliott, I was in love with this idea of Elliott that he presented to me of himself. But it wasn't really him. Like all the things he claimed to like because he knew I'd like it? That's not Elliott. Saying he hated Allison? Hmm. Obviously not Elliott, if he made out with her. Any time I've ever said anything about her, and he agreed with me? That's a lie. It just goes on and on and on and grows into this really horrible mess. Also -
last night we talked, and I mentioned James being there, and Elliott asks, "So, are you two seriously dating now?" I told him yes, and he was like, "Aw, that's great. Send him my warmest." I wonder how he felt about finding that out. It was kinda hard, because that's letting go of him, basically forever. That shatters any illusions either of us might have had about ever being together again. Seriously. There's just not much chance of turning back on that one. It was big to me. I wonder if he'll still call/keep in touch/try to hang out when he's in town. I wonder if he'll come back to UA now. Surely I'm not that important, but I still wish I knew EXACTLY how he felt about that. Hmm. Should put James at rest, though.
I miss James. He picked me up from work, then we went to my house and watched Igby Goes Down, Dazed and Confused (my first time; Barrett will be pleased!), and part of Punch Drunk Love. We were up till about 5:30, then he went home, needing sleep. I went to bed...then got right back up at 7 to get ready for church (oh boy), came home, and crashed till 12. Haven't talked to him all day; he's working on the truck. It's funny; we were watching Dazed and Confused, and I was admiring Matthew McConughey (I'm not going to pretend to know how to spell that; I can barely say it), and James was like, "Buck! Is that you??!" It was funny, because I think he's somewhat right. Only Buck is worse off. He has the accent and looks and charm (when he's careful not to be so stupid), though. Funny funny funny.
Talked to Desiree today. She's in DC for a Youth Leadership of America conference. I've missed her soooo much. I can't wait till Thanksgiving, because she's coming home then.
Whew. This has been a lot. And I'm hungry, and need to work on that essay. Peace.
aigre-douce at 2:39 p.m.