2005-03-12
March 13, 2005
Okay, so it's been forever. As much as I love my diary, I'm afraid I am no longer going to really be able to keep it up. No surprise there. My life is so incredibly crazy that I don't really have time to sit down and type away like I used to. I guess that's what happens.
At any rate . . .
My trip to Israel was superior to any adjectives I can think of right now; none will really do. I think all Christians should go at least once. The whole experience was life changing, and I look forward to going back. I loved Israel. It's so comforting and peaceful over there, like a foreign home.
James and I decided on March 1 to maintain our gf/bf status, but to keep the relationship open to dating other people (just not having sex with other people). Neither of us have actually dated other people, but I do have a future, as of right now unset, date with Matt Willette, the guy who escorted me to Homecoming at the junior college two years ago when the newspaper nominated me for homecoming and Elliott couldn't be my escort. Matt lives in Auburn, Alabama so it's not like things will every be heavy between us, we're just friends. That are going on a date sometime.
As for my relationship with James, things have been incredible since the decision. I think perhaps it's because there's less stress weighting down our relationship now so now everything's much more relaxed. We both have plans to get serious again in the future, but in the meantime to enjoy our youth.
Last Monday night I was in a wreck. I had taken James' Focus to Kroger to pick up a few things for dinner, and it was raining really hard. I left the back way, and was sitting at a stop sign forever, waiting to finally be able to turn left and go home. A woman on the street perpendicular to the street I was on was in the right hand lane and had her right hand blinker on, so I thought she was going to turn onto the street I was on. Since she was going to turn and there was no other traffic, I went ahead and pulled out to take a left and head home. The woman didn't turn, and instead t-boned me instead, thus spinning me around the intersection. The Focus is pretty much done for, I think. The woman hit me on the driver's side, my door to be exact, and as a result, the body of the car on that side is about a foot inside the actual frame of the car. The windows on that side broke, the windshield is cracked beyond repair, and the rearview mirror is completely twisted around. The airbags went off, gave me a cut under my chin, and hit my nose ring so hard it bled for a while. No one was really hurt in the accident; when I was trying to decide whether or not to go to the emergency room, I asked a policeman if the people in the other car were okay, and he nodded and said, "They're no worse than you." When James arrived at the scene, I did decide to go to the ER (the paramedics were worried about my heart rate being so high, but it was my decision to go), I saw the woman that hit me. James had seen her and the rest of the people in that car get into their ambulance, all looking fine, kids jumping up and down, etcetera, but when I saw her in the emergency room, she looked like she was trying to milk it for all it was worth. She was on a stretcher, moaning for sympathy and had a neckbrace on. I was given a ticket for failing to yield for a left turn; when the police got there, the woman had turned her car off and insisted she had no intention of turning, nor did she have her blinker on. I have a court date set for the 21st.
I am going to quit my job. Although I love my bosses and the shop, it's just not working out for me. I can get a desk job - possibly as a receptionist- for more money, be on my feet less, and get other benefits (I currently get none except an employee discount on select items), so that's what I'm looking for. Bonus: I can dress up for work and not have to worry about my makeup getting sweated off by cleaning, because I won't be doing any heavy duty cleaning. DAMN!
James and Josh, our former roomate, are friends again. James was getting incredibly bitter about Josh, threatening to kill him if he saw him again, and I told James that he had to let it go, that I could not be with a guy that's going to be that bitter. It just wasn't worth it, and he needed to forgive Josh and let it go. When Josh's W-2 was sent to our apartment, James saw it as the perfect opportunity to try and patch things up with Josh. Incredibly, Josh has turned into a responsible (well, more responsible than he was, anyway) adult that gets angry at his lazy, irresponsible roomate, James (obviously not my James). It's beautiful. Tomorrow night we are playing $10 Texas Hold'em Midnight Poker at Josh's apartment. I am sooooo excited. James, Josh, and I have been practicing all week and I'm getting much better. Amazing!
James has been loosening up. He's started smoking again (occassionally smoking, not chain smoking), no longer chides me if I want a drink, and is generally in a much better mood than he has been in. Before I go further, let me add that he's become the guy I fell in love with in the first place all over again (only this time he's not a vegetarian). He even got his hair cut, and it looks very stylish. Basically what I'm saying is that I have a huge crush on the guy, which works out well since he is my boyfriend. I'm not really even interested in other men anymore (though I do enjoy it when Fitzgerald comes in the shop and flirts with me). I mean, since we are dating other people, I am going to go on a date with Matt, but I see it as more of an innocent friendly thing instead of seeing it as potential makeout. That's just where I am right now.
This morning I opened the shop and everything seemed so surreal because my I was still kind of sleepy. It was a very springy day, which made everything better (I love the start of spring), and everything was bright and sunshiny and beautiful, and I was in a nice groove. It was really surreal in the sense that I felt like I was revisiting a memory of a time (like this summer when Javaology first opened), only making new memories. Does that make sense?
Right now I'm going to go smoke a (clove) cigarette. Since James started smoking again, I started too, only this time I'm smoking cloves, and not terribly often. I've wanted a cigarette holder ever since I first saw Breakfast at Tiffany's, and James got me a small one. We went to go see the car for the first time since the wreck a couple of days ago, and seeing the car made me feel so upset because I realized I really could have died in that wreck and guilty because James worked so hard for that car, and then I wrecked it, that I just started crying. We'd gone to get things out of the car (like James' 200 cds in there, my sweaters, etcetera), and James grabbed a mint tin. When we got in the car, he handed the tin to me and told me he got this for me a while back, and was going to save it for another occassion, but decided to give it to me now. I opened the tin, and there was the cigarette holder. I love it so much, even though it's far too large for my cigarettes. It's like my lucky charm now. It's incredibly special to me. I love James.
Lately I have found it easier to just post updates on my LiveJournal instead of actually calling people individually, etcetera (pathetic, I know, but that's where I am right now), so if you want to see what's up with me and I haven't updated in a while here, you can probably check my LiveJournal and see what's up. Hopefully I will be able to get my life straightened up (literally; I bought things from The Container Store to help me out), and there will come a time where I can sit down and spill my heart out to Diaryland again. In the meantime . . .
aigre-douce at 7:32 p.m.