2004-03-23
I wish I could buy me a spaceship and fly past the sky
Today's been quite the rollercoaster. This morning my mom and I got into a huge fight that also got physical at one point. In short, she called me lazy, selfish, and hateful, and it was on after that. A lot of the things she said really hurt my feelings, and there was a lot of crying on my part, but also screaming. I wonder if she's right about some of it, and I also wonder if my parents treat me like they do because of the way I act, or if I act the way I do because the way they've always treated me. I think it's a little bit of both. In short, my mom is looking forward to me moving out, so I have absolutely no reservations about that now. I'd love to get along with my parents, but it looks like that's only a temporary thing. We resent, if not hate, each other. Also, apparently other adults that I do respect and love have told my mom that if I were their child (Mom told me I sit around the house all day, don't try to get a job, and am not in school, and I don't do any work around the house), that these same adults would kick my ass out of the house. Good to know I can trust absolutely no one. I also like how my mom really thinks that I'm not trying to get into school, when I've been doing everything possible to try and get into school this summer. That she thinks I'm lazy is perhaps what hit me the hardest, because it's not true. I'm just tired of being treated like Cinderella, in every sense of the word. And as for a job, she's told me she'd drive me to work if I could get a job in the evenings in Enterprise. However, their cars haven't been working lately, so that could be iffy, and on top of that, if my mom was mad at me or anything, when she drove me to work @ Dakota's, she would purposely make me late. And I don't feel that I can really rely on that. But you know, she doesn't have enough money to send me to school or get me a car, but I'm lazy. Okay. I feel like shit.
'Graduation Day' Intro: "You know what, you's a nigga, and I don't mean that in no nice way."
Because I will most likely be stuck with my family for the next week (they're home for spring break, and James is resting), I tried making peace with my mom. We talked about Avon and Mark., and discussed the differences between them, mostly how little Mark. prepares their representatives, except for their online courses, but no real paperwork. I remembered to call the dermatologist and call the insurance company to see what my insurance deductible would be. For years, my parents have told me that they didn't have the money to take me, so recently Suzie's mom offered to pay for it. So I called the insurance to see what all they would cover...um, yeah, all that would have to be paid by me or Elna Ruth is a $30 co-pay. THAT'S IT. But my parents couldn't pay for that? Umm...yeah. Who's lazy?
Angry as I was at my parents, I was still pretty happy that I was going to be able to get my skin checked out soon. I did a little dance, and jumped online. I'm now the proud owner of an OutKast icon; Andre playing the guitar in the Hey Ya video, as well as a super cute and bright OutKast desktop. This cheered me up, as did the heartfelt email I received from J. I was feeling all nice, especially reading James's update and his comments to me. I love that man. Then something else completely crashed my mood.
When I got home Sunday night, it was obvious something was wrong with my parents, and that they were really upset/worried about something. I knew it had to do with Chandler (I asked Dad what was wrong, and he told me to ask him), so today I was teasing him about it, trying to find out what had happened. I thought maybe he'd been caught looking at porn or something. Apparently, he's in deeeeeeeeeep shit. I won't say what, but it made me nauseous, and he could go to court for it.
'Breathe In Breathe Out' f. Ludacris: "When I pull a piece out, niggas like 'peace ouuut'." You know why I like rap so much? Because of all the shit I go through in my life, plus the beats are pretty nice. Seriously though, I'm always broke, there's always at least three family dramas going on, and you know I have a ghetto booty. And you'd be amazed how many people really are predjudiced against redheads. For instance, in Fairhope this weekend, I saw this little girl with hair just like mine. Uncle Donald said something to the little girl's mom about her hair, and the woman was talking about how she had no idea how that little girl had red hair, and how all her other kids had dark hair. She said, "When she was born, I told the doctor, 'Put her back in, she's not done yet!'" I was not amused. I recently found out that Egyptians used to burn all redheaded babies as sacrifices to their gods. Not to mention the way weird people have treated me because they were taught that redheads are all wicked and slutty. It's disgusting.
Anyway, I'm done bitching. I have a headache, so I'm gonna take something and lay down or read. I'm so tired of being me. I just hope that the next few months fly by, so I won't even notice the time until James and I move out. Today's been shitty.
Before I go, I would like to point out how blessed I am to have such a kickass boyfriend. I called him after Mom and I got into the fight, and he soothed me and made me feel better. He's so sweet. He always makes me feel better, no wonder what's happened. I love him like whoa. I have the best boyfriend in the universe. Friday we're going to take my driving test (haha), and SXE Allison is taking pictures of us as a couple for her photography class. Should be fun.
Aw, fuck. Mom just got home, and told me the Cadillac is alllllll fucked up (not in those words, however). So much for them going to Mobile and leaving me home alone?
aigre-douce at 2:51 p.m.