2008-12-16
Rant
2008 has been an incredibly bad year.
The coffee shop I put four years of blood, sweat, and tears into (not to mention money and all of my heart) closed on March 31. All that work for nothing. Just to be left unemployed, another casualty of the economy (and March tornado).
Managing the coffee shop before it closed without any help other than my husband was no picnic, either.
I found out about the possibility of us closing literally one hour before the storm hit downtown, and wiped out the streets around the shop, miraculously missing our building. When the storm hit, in my heart, I knew what would happen, but I didn't lose hope. I thought perhaps we would be saved in the end, at the last minute, but we weren't.
I was offered a job by the landlord, with whom I'd had an affair of sorts early in my employment at the shop. Since then, I'd grown to see the landlord for the man he really was, and had no interest in working for him. I turned down his job offer.
I regret that now.
After the shop closed, I spent a lot of time visiting my family, making up for all the time I didn't have as a manager.
I spent most of May with my parents, helping my mom cope with the revelation that my dad had been having an affair with a coworker for several months.
The sick thing is, I figured it out without many clues before the news broke. Like so many other things I've seen happen (in the future), hoping I was crazy and that those events wouldn't occur, sick to my stomach when I find I was right. I've given up on trying to warn people; they don't listen.
My parents seemed to be trying to work things out, but somewhere, my mom snapped and says she is leaving in January. This from the woman who refused to spend any quality time with me, because she always wanted to hang out with Dad instead.
What's really sad is that since I've moved out, my relationship with my dad has greatly improved. He came out of his psychotic stupor and quit being such a jerk, and we've had a great relationship. And then he cheated on my mom, and I feel like now, I'm the parent. Odd.
My husband and I told our families in January that we'd eloped in February of 2007. M., my husband, had wanted to keep it a secret for fear he would lose his college funding if his family found out he was married before he graduated, and because his family is notorious for treating those marrying into the family horribly. When M. told his mother we were engaged, she said she was sorry he'd let me talk him into it. [Note: I've never been interested in making any relationship permanent, and have in fact, turned down several proposals - from The Ex and E. It was the same with M.; I didn't really want to get married, but I adored M., and he REALLY wanted to get married, so I agreed.] One of M's sisters, whom we saw often as she flew through the nearby airport a lot, has still not forgiven us for "deceiving" her. As if our relationship was about someone other than the two of us.
After reluctantly accepting that our relationship was indeed bonafide, M's family began to press for tradition, and we agreed to have a reception. One of the big reasons we eloped (just the two of us, somewhat spontaneously, to the courthouse) was because neither of us like receiving a lot of attention, especially me. Having a reception certainly did not appeal to me, either. But we forged ahead, thinking the reception would appease his family, and help smooth things over. In short, WRONG. We paid for 98% of it, and his mother and two of his sisters were still cold towards me and our marriage (mostly his sisters, but I would not describe his mother as warm or welcoming). I had to plan for nine months BY MYSELF, while starting a new high-stress job, and every day I begged M. to call it off. We had it, it's over now, and if I could, I would delete every single picture of me at the reception.
I waited until the week of the reception to get a dress (dumb, dumb, dumb, but I was losing weight, so I had to be careful), literally bought the first dress I saw to get it over with, so it's no surprise it was a disaster. I look 200% larger than I really am in every single picture, thanks to that damn dress (and the lack of a consistent exercise routine and sleeves!). Seriously, if I could figure out a way to, I would delete every one of those suckers. In the meantime, I am stuck with un-labeling my name from every picture I find online.
[*Fun Fact: As much as our elopement was frowned upon by M's mother and two of his sisters, we have apparently inspired his parents; M's dad went to China the morning after our reception to meet this woman he's been talking to online, and they were married two days later. A week or so later, M's mother announced her engagement to an old friend and recent boyfriend. They're scheduled to get married in March, I believe, to be more traditional.*]
When the coffee shop closed, the much beloved W3 gave me his old Benz, which I had been slowly making payments towards. So, of course, the month before the reception while I'm frantically trying to get everything together [I should mention that everything but the food for the reception was DIY, and my friend did that], the Benz breaks down, and needs a new engine. The engine was incredibly expensive, and if we'd had cash, we could have bought an entire used car for less. Unfortunately, all we had was a credit card, so the engine went on that. With the engine and the reception, we are in debt $18,000. For someone who's always been cash-only, that's a pretty big deal.
To help offset paying for the reception, I got a job as an assistant manager for a coffee company I don't like at the airport. After our shop closed, I REALLY didn't want to get back into coffee, but I couldn't find a job in retail that would pay me enough. I hated the airport, but W3 got his start at the airport, so I tried to be optimistic and give my very all to this job, despite my feelings. Unfortunately, the manager I began working for is horrible. He has no people skills, is a wretched communicator, and seems to dislike me for some reason. He's from L3b4n0n, and since middle eastern men seem to have issues with respecting women, I tried not to take it personally . . . until he began demeaning me in front of my staff. On top of that, he is an awful trainer, and gives very vague instruction, even when I ask for specifics. Of course, when I don't do whatever he wants however he wants it, due to a lack of clear instruction, he gets angry and belittles me.
As my luck (of 2008) would have it, he also happens to be the company owner's cousin. I have heard that any of his staff who have gone to HR to say they've had problems with him seem to have been blacklisted and have lost their jobs. So, I bit my tongue and just worked my ass off to the best of my ability, without any support or guidance.
In the meantime, working with this company has turned me off on Business so much, that I did a lot of soul-searching, and have decided to go to school for interior and sustainable design, with a focus on historical restoration. Immediately after deciding this, I began applying to the top school in the nation for those studies, and am waiting to hear if I am accepted.
When I took on this job, I was replacing the previous assistant, who was having a difficult pregnancy and required lots of bed rest. A little over a month ago, I heard she was returning, and I asked my boss's boss if I needed to be looking for another job. He assured me that was not the case, and that he had a plan for me, which involved me working at the coffee company, as well as a nearby smoothie concept. He said he knew I was having difficulties, but to continue as my boss instructed me, and everything should be fine.
On the Saturday before last, my boss's boss pulled me aside to tell me I would start my smoothie concept training the following Monday. So, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I trained at the smoothie headquarters, which was very insightful as well as enjoyable. Monday and Tuesday are usually my off days, but since I was training, I was given Thursday and Friday off instead, and came back to work on Saturday. I worked the weekend, and was off today. I knew my boss's boss wanted to meet with me about how everything was going to work out with my roles at both stores, so I voluntarily came in for a meeting today.
I've been really excited about the smoothie concept, and even more excited about my upcoming schedule; I'll keep the same days off, and I'll only work for the coffee company on my boss' off days, and the other days I'll be at the smoothie concept. I was really looking forward to my meeting today, and dressed up and brought my notes from my smoothie training. I was actually expecting a small increase in pay for taking on an additional job.
Instead, I was greeted with HR and my boss in addition to my boss's boss. The review I'd been asking about for months? Yeah, I got it today . . . as well as a DEMOTION. It would appear that while I "tr[y] really hard," my work does not meet expectations, and so I have been demoted to a shift leader FOR BOTH LOCATIONS, which happen to be on the same concourse. I fought off the tears for as long as I could, and then they took over, spilling quite obviously over my face, which, of course, just added to my humiliation.
They "really like" me and are interested in "developing" me further, but right now, I'm going to have to take a paycut; I will now be hourly, getting $10/hour. As a manager, I worked 50 hours, and as a shift leader, I'm STILL working 50 hours, only it's split between two companies, so legally, it won't be an issue. I will, however, finally start receiving the benefits I should have started receiving after my 90 days (Nov. 5). I suppose that's why the benefit paperwork was always MIA; they wanted to "offer" me something with my demotion.
When I found out I was being demoted, I wanted to put in my two weeks immediately (um, I hated my job with more money, and now I'm going to be making even LESS?), but my good friend Reality kicked in and reminded me of my $18,000 debt, and the fact that TONS of people are losing their job in this city. I should be glad I still have a job, but it really stings when you're expecting a promotion . . .
In other Bad News, I am also missing about $800 in valuables (and priceless hours of sleep) due to the fact that we've been broken into TWICE in the last few weeks. We moved into a great house [beautiful craftsman, 4/2, $1,000/mo.] in a bad neighborhood in late February. We had to have a four bedroom, because my brothers were moving in with us, to go to school, and that was the best we could afford until they arrived.
The day we moved in, M. found a guy sleeping in our backyard, and promptly called the cops. This wasn't a big deal to us, since we were used to working in a transitional neighborhood, but it was a little strange. When the coffee shop closed, we were given all of the non-franchise furniture, and helped the owners move everything out, late into the evening. Instead of waiting until the next morning, M. wanted to begin unloading the moving truck we'd rented, and between a trip from the truck to the back shed, was followed by some neighborhood thugs into the backyard, and was held up at gunpoint. Fortunately, the back of the house was locked, and M. didn't his keys or wallet on him, and he wasn't physically harmed. A police report was filed, but there weren't any leads on the case, and we all but forgot about it.
The Saturday before Thanksgiving, my brother [brother, not brothers, because only one followed through with moving up here], my husband, and I all randomly had the day off (very rare), and we spent the day running around town together. We got home from this great day to find the lock on our front door had been broken, and upon further inspection, discovered that our Wii, several games, the laptop my parents were giving my brother for Graduation/Christmas, two iPods, and some cash had all been stolen. Of course, nobody in the neighborhood saw anything. We filed another report, but the police weren't able to get any prints or anything.
Needless to say, we were pretty angry. All of our family is heavily into music, so to steal our iPods is a serious personal offense. Secondly, given that we're in such debt because of the stupid reception, we don't have money to go out and do ANYTHING, and we rely heavily on our Wii for entertainment. In fact, we only play multiplayers, so we can spend time together. Now, for the obvious question. Renter's insurance? Nope, thanks to the Reception, we couldn't afford it. Yes, we are kicking ourselves. Yes, we have it now.
A few days later, I was reading in bed (at 5 am, after I'd taken M. to work) when I heard a loud crash in the house. My brother was out of town, and I immediately called the cops, just in case. FOUR cops came to the house to check things out, but found nothing, and after discovering it was a bottle of detergent that had been slung off the washer mid-spin, I felt somewhat comfortable at home again.
When M. was held up in the backyard, our landlord was "shocked" it had happened, and it seemed she didn't believe us. We inquired then about an alarm system - an alarm panel is next to our front door, and we were told all we would have to do is to call the security company and have it activated. After finding out we'd have to sign a four-year contract, we declined. When we were broken into, we changed our mind, and our landlord had her guy come out to hook it up . . . only to discover that when the house was renovated, all of the wiring was ripped out, and for some reason, the alarm panel was left. We pushed to have the house rewired, and the guy said he wouldn't be able to come back for another week.
The next morning, we were broken into a second time, only this time, I was home.
I woke up to the sound of the house crashing around me, or so it seemed. It sounded like the cheap jewelry I have hanging on small metal trees were being flung off of their shelf, but I could see that was not the case. I glanced at the clock and realized it was the time my brother usually left for work, so I jumped out of bed, to see what was up. To me, it sounded like he had gone outside, then came right back inside, slamming the door open, like he was pissed off. I ran out of my bedroom to see a black guy about my brother's age standing by the front door. The guy was very surprised to see me, and put his hands up, as in surrender. Having just woken up, it took me a second to put the pieces together, and I called my brother's name. When I did so, the stranger pointed into my kitchen, which is right across from my bedroom. I walked in to see another young black guy hurriedly trying to disconnect my computer. The pieces finally clicked together, and immediately I shouted at them to get the f*** out of my house, and started shoving the guy who was messing with my computer. Without hurting me, he moved around me, and then I started grabbing him, telling him he might as well wait with me while I called the police. He gently shrugged me off, and the guys ran out my front door, which I realized had a hole kicked through the center.
I felt slightly better, having seen the perpetrators [yes, it had to be the same people that broke in the first time, because seconds after kicking in the door, they were already working on disconnecting the computer], but the faces I saw didn't match any pictures at the local precinct, so . . . now I just feel uncomfortable, because they know what I look like.
On that note, I was coming home from driving M. to work at 4am on Saturday, when this coupe came up behind me, seemed to recognize my car, then floated behind me. The road we were on was completely empty except our cars, and yet they seemed intent on staying a certain distance behind me, matching my speed, and just happened to turn left onto my street one turn before I did. I went the long way home, coming down the street I usually drive up to get to my house, and when I walked up to my front door, I thought I saw a car parked on the wrong side of the road up ahead, but chalked it up to paranoia. Once inside, I texted M. to let him know I made it home safely, and then I heard the car that had been driving behind me drive slowly past my house. The car had a very distinctive sound to it, like older cars usually do. You could hear the gas gurgling, or at least, that's what I imagined it to be, and from listening, you could tell it's the kind of car that has to take wide, careful turns. After that, I couldn't sleep, and while I was awake in bed, I heard the car pass by my house several times afterward. From what little I could see in my rear view mirror in the dark, the two guys in the coupe looked older than the two guys that had broken in. However, the fact that I know I've seen that car follow me before this incident (I didn't think anything of it then) does not relieve me.
Today our alarm system was FINALLY installed. Ironically, I now feel more apprehensive. Instead of being relaxed, I'm somehow afraid of having a false sense of security, and my spidy senses are tingling. I'm afraid someone will break into the house while we're sleeping, and we'll hear the noise, but assume it's one of us, because the alarm's not going off, but what if the alarm doesn't work, or has been disconnected?
This, and the dread that's making my stomach ill at the thought of returning to work, demoted, is keeping me awake. I keep checking my email, hoping that the Admissions Department will have contacted me with the good news that I have been accepted, but it hasn't happened yet. I've tried re-reading my new favorite book, Tw*l*ght, but having seen the movie five times (in theaters, not counting the illegal, albeit fuzzy version I happen to have) and having recently finished the series, it's hard to concentrate on Edward and not what a crappy year this has been.
In the meantime, we are house-hunting . . . for purchase. We are looking for something affordable that we can fix up but is inhabitable, hopefully in the Midtown area. We also want to get a dog (for protection and fun), but I think right now it might be a little too overwhelming for both us and the dog. On a more aggressive note, we are also looking into getting a gun. I'm slightly uncomfortable with this, because I would hate for someone to be killed for a bad reason, but then again, I give people (and neighborhoods) too much benefit of the doubt. I have considered getting a crossbow as an alternative, simply because if a weapon was ever going to be wrestled out of my own hand and used against me, I think I would prefer injury by crossbow instead of a bullet. I'm convinced that when we buy a house, we need to have a security camera system, so if anything ever happens, we have a picture of the perpetrator(s). I also like to daydream about setting up booby-traps in the walls with arrows coated in tranquilizing fluid that will go off if the alarm system is breached. I don't want to kill my victims, just immobilize them so they are no longer a threat to me.
I still can't believe that I was demoted without being given a review and the chance to improve. I talked to W3, and he is convinced that it is purely a cost-cutting issue. To his credit, the fact that they would "not be beefing up in January and February," and that "all of the airport business are experiencing major losses" and layoffs as a result were certainly mentioned by HR during the meeting. I probably shouldn't take it personally. However, it's going to feel pretty personal when my staff is convinced I'm the moron my boss always infers I am when they have the "proof" of my assistant title being revoked. And then there's the fact that I'm a perfectionist, and my work is highly personal to me.
What's really sad is that I was offered this awesome (albeit much less paying) job at a fair-trade gift shop in one of my favorite neighborhoods. The people there were really nice, but M. and I thought it would be better if I got a job that offered more money. This one offers a lot more money, but I feel it's taking a toll on my soul.
I can't wait to get my degree and get the heck out of here!!!
2009 had better be a really great year, a serious improvement upon the last couple of years. I know I don't deserve this. I'm beginning to feel like Job. Fortunately, nobody has died.
On the upside, there's a new President . . . but what else?
aigre-douce at 1:30 a.m.